echoes of what if ... re-post

[janet paterson <janet313@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

hi all

i am frightened for my [our] parkie brother db
and don't know what else to do
other than re-post this
my attempt at understanding his situation
substitute male for female gender in the following

janet


>>> Posting number 82067, dated 20 Jun 2000 15:04:25
Date:         Tue, 20 Jun 2000 15:04:25 -0400
From:         janet paterson <janet313@xxxxxxxxxxx>
Subject:      echoes of what if ...

... a talented and beautiful young woman discovered that she had
developed a rare, chronic, incurable, degenerative, and,
last but not least, debilitating brain disorder?

what if she denied it and hated it and fought with it
to the nth degree with every
minute hour and day
even
as it progressed with every
week month and year

what if it caused her to abandon her musical career her life
or [as she felt] more accurately perhaps,
caused her musical colleagues
to abandon her

how would she perceive herself?
who would she be?

she is lost ...

would she survive nursing the hate?
could her family and friends open the gate?

what would she think that she wanted?
more than anything anything at all in the whole wide world?

what if she found a promise of 'better - almost well'
and opened it up to find only 'bitter - almost hell'

what if she met a group of people with the same demon disorder
what if some of them talk of acceptance and dream of hope
what if some of them do not hate her monster

like she does ...

would she hate them?
would she think them fools?
would she appoint herself the slayer of the dream dragon?
become the arbiter and comptroller and side-swiper of happy talk?
play discordant music so loud as to drown out their pitiful parodies of
melody?

what would she do with all that hate
feeding on its own frenzy
forming its own life
without her

she is lost ...

but only drowsing in her own dream of her own making is all
time to wake up, rise 'n' shine, sun's out
what if it's a beautiful morning
what if it always is


janet paterson
53 now / 44 dx cd / 43 onset cd / 41 dx pd / 37 onset pd
tel: 613 256 8340 url: ";
email: janet313@xxxxxxxxxxx smail: POBox 171 Almonte Ontario K0A 1A0 Canada