Non PD: A Change In Plans

["Edith S. Love" <elove@xxxxxxx>]

>From our part of the world to yours, we wish everyone a wonderful
Thanksgiving-a day in which all medications work.
>
May we all, with our loved ones, walk together in the headdress of the sun.

E of the headdress

> >A Change In Plans
>
>Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. I'm telling
>you in advance, so don't act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won't be
>coming, I've made a few small changes:
>
>Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries.
>After a trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows
>of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect.
>The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy china
>or crystal goblets.  If possible, we will use dishes that match and
>everyone will get a fork.  Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain
>from using the plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from
>last Christmas.
>
>Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I
>promised.  Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration
>hand-crafted from the finest construction paper. The artist assures me
>it is a turkey.
>
>We will be dining fashionably late.  The children will entertain you
>while you wait.  I'm sure they will be happy to share every choice
>comment I have made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims and the turkey
>hotline. Please remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00
>a.m. upon discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to cut
>diamonds.  As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a
>recording of tribal drumming.  If the children should mention that I
>don't own a recording of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds
>suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them.  They
>are lying.
>
>We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the
>start of our feast.  In the end, we chose to keep our traditional
>method. We've also decided against a formal seating arrangement.  When
>the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you
>like.  In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to sit at a
>separate table, in a separate room.  Next door.
>
>Now I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in
>front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers.  This will not be happening
>at our dinner.  For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a
>private ceremony. I stress "private" meaning:  Do not, under any
>circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me.  Do not send small,
>unsuspecting children to check on my progress.  I have an electric
>knife. The turkey is unarmed.  It stands to reason that I will
>eventually win. When I do, we will eat.
>
>Before I forget, there is one last change.  Instead of offering a choice
>between 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the
>traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and fingerprints.
>You will still have a choice; take it or leave it.
>
>Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving.  She
>probably won't come next year either.  I am thankful.
>
>
>