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Those easily offended by "lawyer" jokes - BEWARE! Others: Enjoy.. :)
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>> Why do people love to tell lawyer jokes? There is something
>> about this respected profession that commands our
>> disrespect. One must always be careful about offending
>> lawyers, of course, because you wouldn't want to face one in
>> court. Or would you?
>>
>> Here are some actual exchanges between lawyers and witnesses
>> in the court room. Perhaps they ain't so bright after
>> all....
>>
>>
>> 1. "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
>> sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"
>>
>> 2. "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"
>>
>> 3. "Were you present when your picture was taken?"
>>
>> 4. Q: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
>> check for a pulse?"
>> A: "No."
>> Q: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
>> A: "No."
>> Q: "Did you check for breathing?"
>> A: "No."
>> Q: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive
>> when you began the autopsy?"
>> A: "No."
>> Q: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
>> A: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
>> Q: "But could the patient have still been alive
>> nevertheless?"
>> A: "It is possible that he could have been alive and
>> practicing law somewhere."
>>
>> 5. "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the
>> war?"
>>
>> 6. "Did he kill you?"
>>
>> 7. "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the
>> collision?"
>>
>> 8. "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"
>>
>> 9. "How many times have you committed suicide?"
>>
>> 10. Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August
>> 8th?"
>> A: "Yes."
>> Q: "And what were you doing at that time?"
>>
>> 11. Q: "She had three children, right?"
>> A: "Yes."
>> Q: "How many were boys?"
>> A: "None."
>> Q: "Were there any girls?"
>>
>> 12. Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?"
>> A: "Yes."
>> Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"
>>
>> 13. Q: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate
>> honeymoon, didn't you?"
>> A: "I went to Europe, Sir."
>> Q: "And you took your new wife?"
>>
>> 14. Q: "How was your first marriage terminated?"
>> A: "By death."
>> Q: "And by who's death was it terminated?"
>>
>> 15. Q: "Can you describe the individual?"
>> A: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
>> Q: "Was this a male, or a female?"
>>
>> 16. Q: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
>> deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
>> A: "No, this is how I dress when I go to work."
>>
>> 17. Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on
>> dead people?"
>> A: "All my autopsies are performed on dead people."
>>
>> 18. Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK? What school
>> did you go to?"
>> A: "Oral."
>>
>> 19. Q: "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?"
>> A: "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.."
>> Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"
>> A: "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was
>> doing an autopsy."
>>
>> 20. Q: "Are you qualified to give a urine sample?"
>> A: "I have been since early childhood."
>>
>>
>
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<DIV>>> Why do people love to tell lawyer jokes? There is=20
something<BR>>> about this respected profession that =
commands=20
our<BR>>> disrespect. One must always be careful about=20
offending<BR>>> lawyers, of course, because you wouldn't =
want to=20
face one in<BR>>> court. Or would =
you?<BR>>><BR>>> =20
Here are some actual exchanges between lawyers and =
witnesses<BR>>> =20
in the court room. Perhaps they ain't so bright after<BR>>> =20
all....<BR>>><BR>>><BR>>> 1. "Now doctor, =
isn't it=20
true that when a person dies in his<BR>>> sleep, he doesn't =
know=20
about it until the next morning?"<BR>>><BR>>> 2.=20
"The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is=20
he?"<BR>>><BR>>> 3. "Were you present when =
your=20
picture was taken?"<BR>>><BR>>> 4. Q: =
"Doctor,=20
before you performed the autopsy, did you<BR>>> check for a=20
pulse?"<BR>>> A:=20
"No."<BR>>> Q: "Did =
you check=20
for blood pressure?"<BR>>> A:=20
"No."<BR>>> Q: "Did =
you check=20
for breathing?"<BR>>> A:=20
"No."<BR>>> Q: "So, =
then it=20
is possible that the patient was=20
alive<BR>>> =
when you=20
began the autopsy?"<BR>>> A:=20
"No."<BR>>> Q: "How =
can you=20
be so sure, Doctor?"<BR>>> A:=20
"Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a=20
jar."<BR>>> Q: "But could =
the=20
patient have still been=20
alive<BR>>> =20
nevertheless?"<BR>>> A: =
"It is=20
possible that he could have been alive=20
and<BR>>> =
practicing=20
law somewhere."<BR>>><BR>>> 5. "Was it you =
or your=20
younger brother who was killed in the<BR>>> =20
war?"<BR>>><BR>>> 6. "Did he kill=20
you?"<BR>>><BR>>> 7. "How far apart were the =
vehicles at the time of the<BR>>> =20
collision?"<BR>>><BR>>> 8. "You were there =
until the=20
time you left, is that true?"<BR>>><BR>>> 9. =
"How=20
many times have you committed =
suicide?"<BR>>><BR>>> 10.=20
Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was =
August<BR>>> =20
8th?"<BR>>> A:=20
"Yes."<BR>>> Q: "And =
what=20
were you doing at that time?"<BR>>><BR>>> 11. Q:=20
"She had three children,=20
right?"<BR>>> A:=20
"Yes."<BR>>> Q: "How =
many=20
were boys?"<BR>>> A:=20
"None."<BR>>> Q: =
"Were there=20
any girls?"<BR>>><BR>>> 12. Q: "You say the =
stairs=20
went down to the =
basement?"<BR>>> A:=20
"Yes."<BR>>> Q: "And =
these=20
stairs, did they go up also?"<BR>>><BR>>> 13. Q:=20
"Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate<BR>>> =
honeymoon,=20
didn't you?"<BR>>> A: =
"I=20
went to Europe, Sir."<BR>>> Q:=20
"And you took your new wife?"<BR>>><BR>>> =
14. Q:=20
"How was your first marriage=20
terminated?"<BR>>> A: "By=20
death."<BR>>> Q: "And by =
who's=20
death was it terminated?"<BR>>><BR>>> 15. Q: =
"Can=20
you describe the =
individual?"<BR>>> A:=20
"He was about medium height and had a=20
beard."<BR>>> Q: "Was this =
a male,=20
or a female?"<BR>>><BR>>> 16. Q: "Is your =
appearance=20
here this morning pursuant to a<BR>>> deposition notice =
which I sent=20
to your attorney?"<BR>>> A: =
"No,=20
this is how I dress when I go to =
work."<BR>>><BR>>> 17.=20
Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed =
on<BR>>> dead=20
people?"<BR>>> A: "All my=20
autopsies are performed on dead =
people."<BR>>><BR>>> 18.=20
Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK? What=20
school<BR>>> did you go=20
to?"<BR>>> A:=20
"Oral."<BR>>><BR>>> 19. Q: "Do you =
recall the=20
time that you examined the =
body?"<BR>>> =20
A: "The autopsy started around 8:30=20
p.m.."<BR>>> Q: "And Mr.=20
Dennington was dead at the =
time?"<BR>>> =20
A: "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I =
was<BR>>> =20
doing an autopsy."<BR>>><BR>>> 20. Q: "Are =
you=20
qualified to give a urine=20
sample?"<BR>>> A: "I have =
been=20
since early=20
childhood."<BR>>><BR>>><BR>><BR></DIV></BODY></HTML>
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