NON PD: THE NEW OVER-40 BARBIE

[Rob & Janet McDonald jr <robjanmc@xxxxxxxxxx>]

>THE NEW OVER-40 BARBIE
>
>1. Bifocals Barbie.  Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames
>in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain and large print editions
>of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.
>
>2. Hot Flash Barbie.  Press Barbie's belly-button and watch her face turn
>beet-red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead!  With
>hand-held fan and tiny tissues.
>
>3. Facial Hair Barbie.  As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers
>grow!  Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.
>
>4. Cook's Arms Barbie.  Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new,
>roomier-sleeved gowns.  Good news on the tummy front, too: muu-muus are
>back!  Cellulite cream and loofah sponge optional.
>
>5. Bunion Barbie.  Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely
>taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with
>Pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules. Colors: pink,
>rose, blush.
>
>6. No More Wrinkles Barbie.  Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines
>with tube of Skin-Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive
>age-blasting cosmetics.
>
>7. Soccer Mom Barbie.  All that experience as a cheerleader is really
paying
>off as Barbie dusts off her high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken,
>Jr.  With mini-van in robin's egg blue or white, and cooler filled with
>doughnut holes and fruit punch.
>
>8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie.  It's time to ditch Ken.  Barbie needs a change
>and Bruce (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along
with
>Prozac.  They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa
>Valley to open a B&B.  Comes with real tape of "Breaking Up is Hard to Do".
>
>9. Single Mother Barbie.  There's not much time for primping anymore! Ken's
>shacked up with the Swedish au pair in the Dream House and Barbie's across
>town with Babs and Ken Jr. in a fourth-floor walk-up. Barbie's selling off
>her old gowns and accessories to raise rent money.  Complete garage sale
kit
>included.
>
>10. Recovery Barbie.  Too many parties have finally caught up with the
>ultimate party girl.  Now she does 12 steps instead of dance steps!  Clean
>and sober, she's going to meetings religiously. Comes with little copy of
>The Big Book, a six-pack of Diet Coke, and a pack of Marlboro Lights.
>
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