NON PD: Three Bad Puns for fun and for John

[Jennifer Smith <artworks@xxxxxxxx>]

 Here are three (bad) puns to make you groan!

 A certain man was infatuated with a young woman, but was
 so timid he never had the courage to speak to her. In fact,
 he told his therapist that every time he got near her he
 felt like nothing more than a tiny pebble.

 "Well," his therapist responded, "if you want to get the
 girl you'll just have to be a little boulder!"
 ___________________________________________________________


 Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing
 several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning
 the crime, getting in and out past security, he was
 captured only 2 blocks away when his Econoline ran out of
 gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and
 then make such an obvious error, he replied:

 "I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."
 ___________________________________________________________


 A man was walking home alone one night when he hears a
 "BUMP...BUMP...BUMP..." behind him. Walking faster, he
 looks back, making out an image of an upright coffin
 banging its way down the middle of the street towards
 him..."BUMP...BUMP...BUMP..." The man begins to run
 towards his home, and the coffin bounces after him
 faster...faster...BUMPBUMPBUMP. He runs up to his door,
 fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, and locks
 it behind him. The coffin crashes through his door, with
 the lid of the coffin clapping BUMP BUMP BUMP on the heals
 of the terrified man. The man rushes upstairs to the
 bathroom and locks himself in, heart pounding. With a CRASH,
 the coffin breaks down the door, coming slowly towards him,
 the man screaming, reaches for something, anything...all he
 can find is a box of cough drops which he throws at the coffin...and
 the coffin stops.