FW: Barb's collagen surgery/horses/cat pills

[Barbara Mallut <Barb_MSN@xxxxxxx>]

Uhhhhh... OK, Ivan (Barb is rueing the day she started relying on a spell
checker to catch her bone-head mistakes), ya got me on THAT one, you
smart-aleck, you! <grinning>.

Lissen, aren't ya GLAD I make SOME mistakes like that, 'cause otherwise I'd be
just perfect (and I'm SOOOOO close already!) <excuse me while I give myself a
big SMACK for being SO obnoxiously frisky tonite!> (LOL).

SMACK!!! <---- Barb wallops self upside her head)

SO THERE, Ivan!

Barb Mallut (punch-drunk from sleeplessness!)
barb_msn@msn,com

-----Original Message-----
From:   Parkinson's Information Exchange  On Behalf Of Ivan M Suzman
Sent:   Monday, May 12, 1997 10:12 PM
To:     Multiple recipients of list PARKINSN
Subject:        Barb's collagen surgery/horses/cat pills

^^^^^^GREETINGS  FROM^^^^^^^^^^
Ivan Suzman  47/10   cureit@xxxxxxxx
Portland, Maine   land of lighthouses  55 deg. F  tulips about to open
***********************************************************
Hi Barb,

    I noticed in one of your collagen posts  that you are going to be a
bit "horse" after the cow collagen is inserted in your larynx!
    Does this mean equid-like whinnying will emerge post-op?  Or did the
post from my kitty, Winnie,  cast a spell, so that you'll be Winnie-ing?

    Or maybe, DEEP down, you are a Saggitarius?
    Anyway, GOOD LUCK with your surgery and keep us posted!

IVAN S.

On Mon, 12 May 1997 15:14:18 -0400 Barbara Mallut <Barb_MSN@xxxxxxx>
writes:
>Oh JEEEEEEEEZ, Ivan!  EVERYBODY knows the EASY way to give a kitty a
>pill is
>to just clamp your little fur-friend in a vise, have  two or three
>really good
>friends who wouldn't mind a few scratches standing by to hold open
>kitty's wee
>mouth, shove that pill down kitty''s throat, and RUN LIKE HELL!!
><giggle>
>
>Barb Mallut
>barb_msn@xxxxxxx
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From:   Parkinson's Information Exchange  On Behalf Of Ivan M Suzman
>Sent:   Sunday, May 11, 1997 11:40 PM
>To:     Multiple recipients of list PARKINSN
>Subject:        Humor:How to Give Your Cat a Pill
>
>^^^^^^GREETINGS  FROM^^^^^^^^^^
>Ivan Suzman  47/10   cureit@xxxxxxxx
>Portland, Maine   land of lighthouses   50  deg. F tulip buds
>reddening
>********************************************************
>Dear friends,
>
>I am buried in the diabetes survey work, and came up for air to share
>this with you.  With  love from my kitty, Winnie.....
>
>Yours,
>Ivan Suzman
>
>
>HOW TO GIVE YOUR CAT A PILL   by Peggy Althoff
>
>  1. Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbow,
>just
>as  if you were giving baby a bottle. Coo confidently, "That's a nice
> kitty." Drop pill into its mouth.
>
>  2. Retrieve cat from top of lamp and pill from under sofa.
>
>  3. Follow same procedure as in 1, but hold cat's front paws down
>with
>     left hand and back paws down with elbow of right arm. Poke pill
>into its mouth with right forefinger.
>
>  4. Retrieve cat from under bed. Get new pill from bottle. (Resist
>     impulse to get new cat.)
>
>  5. Again proceed as in 1, except when you have cat firmly cradled in
>     bottle-feeding position, sit down on edge of chair, fold your
>torso
>     over cat, bring your right hand over your left elbow, open cat's
>     mouth by lifting the upper jaw and pop the pill in - quickly.
>Since
>     your head is down by your knees, you won't be able to see what
>you're doing. That's just as well.
>
>  6. Leave cat hanging on drapes. Leave pill in your hair.
>
>  7. If you're a woman, have a good cry. If you're a man, have a good
>cry.
>
>  8. Now pull yourself together. Who's the boss here anyway? Retrieve
>cat  and pill. Assuming position 1, say sternly, "Who's the boss here,
>     anyway?" Open cat's mouth, take pill and...Oooops!
>
>  9. This isn't working, is it? Collapse and think. Aha! Those
>flashing
>     claws are causing the chaos.
>
>  10. Crawl to linen closet. Drag back large beach towel. Spread towel
>on floor.
>
>  11. Retrieve cat from kitchen counter and pill from potted plant.
>
>  12. Spread cat on towel near one end with its head over long edge.
>
>  13. Flatten cat's front and back legs over its stomach. (Resist
>impulse to flatten cat.)
>
>  14. Roll cat in towel. Work fast; time and tabbies wait for no
>man-or
>      woman.
>
>  15. Resume position 1. Rotate your left hand to cat's head. Press
>its
>      mouth at the jaw hinges like opening the petals of a snapdragon.
>
>  16. Drop pill into cat's mouth and poke gently. Voila! It's done.
>
>  17. Vacuum up loose fur (cat's). Apply bandages to wounds (yours).
>
>  18. Take two aspirins and lie down.
>